


Love Me Tinder

by terminallybored



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alpha Laura Hale, Dating is hard, F/F, F/M, M/M, Werewolf Dating Protocols
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-17
Updated: 2017-10-17
Packaged: 2019-01-18 11:37:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12387321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/terminallybored/pseuds/terminallybored
Summary: Laura tries to navigate the highly complicated world of interspecies dating. And having younger siblings. Neither one goes well.





	Love Me Tinder

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Laura Hale Appreciation Week  
> Day 5 Theme: Lovable Laura

Laura doesn’t ask how Erica got ahold of her phone. She stopped asking questions like that a long time ago. She just gives in to her own position of powerlessness in the universe (which is supposed to be peaceful, according to her yoga instructor) and sets the plastic tray on their table. 

“Laura, how are we supposed to have a Tinder Update meeting if you’ve deleted the Tinder app?” Erica asks, turning that unimpressed look on Laura. Ugh, now she knows how Isaac feels. That’s some powerful judgement in those smoky eyes.

“I used it for over a week,” Laura protests, sitting across from her and taking her phone back. “That counts.”

“Not when there’s also no new phone numbers and not a single dick pic.” Erica grabs her styrofoam cup. “And you got a muffin.”

“You like muffins.”

“You’re buttering me up with pastries.”

Laura groans and rubs her forehead. “You know, you’re supposed to respect your Alpha.”

“Sure.” Erica pries the top off the muffin and pushes the stump away. “So. Let’s hear the tragic tale.”

**~~~**

_“Okay, so first there was Kevin. We matched pretty well and he sent me cute pictures of his dog, so we decided to get dinner. He came to pick me up-”_

_“You gave a guy your address?”_

_Laura gives her a Look. “I could have snapped him in half.”_

_“Fine, carry on.”_

_“So, Kevin came to pick me up on Thursday night…”_

“Hi!” Laura says, probably with too much enthusiasm, when she opens the door. Kevin is as cute as his picture, with his surfer hair and his dimples. Point in their favor- they both used recent, legit photos. 

“Hi! You must be Laura.” The guy is smiling just as wide and also sounding way too excited. Oh, thank god, someone else who’s bad at this. Laura knows basic dating. Classic, awkward as hell, ‘let me sell myself like this is a job interview’ dating. Familiar territory, this is good. 

“Yes. Yes, I am. And you must be Kevin.” Who else would he be? At least she’s still good at the awkward part of this. 

“That’s me. Glad you recognize me without Kiki posing with me.”

Laura laughs and grabs her keys from the hook by the door. “Not that I object to men showing up with bulldogs tucked under their arm, but-”

**BANG**

Laura startles when the walls shake a little from something upstairs. Kevin must have heard it too because he’s looking at the ceiling of the foyer with concern.

“Uh… everything okay?”

‘Yes. Everything is absolutely fine. We should definitely go, right now, while I can still assume everything is fine,’ should have come out of Laura’s mouth. 

“My brother is home,” is what Laura says instead. “I… should probably run upstairs and check on him, actually. Uh, come in.” She steps back and lets Kevin into the foyer. It seems rude to make him stand outside on the porch. 

Laura takes the steps up two at a time. When there a second, loud **BANG** , she takes them three at a time and sprints down the hall, shoving the door open.  
“What-”

Derek scowls at her from where he has Stiles shoved back against the wall with his arms pinned over his head in a way that makes his shirt lift just enough to show off a sliver of stomach. Laura doesn’t miss the last flicker of blue that dies out in Derek’s eyes.

“Seriously?” she asks, looking between the two of them.

“Weren’t you leaving on a date with some weird online guy?” Derek asks, not even pretending to be ashamed.

“He’s not a weird online guy. Lots of people meet online.” Laura puts her hands on her hips. “What have I told you about manhandling Stiles?”

“He likes it,” Derek says, shrugging and leaning in to nudge Stiles’ neck with his nose. 

“I don’t mind,” Stiles agrees. “But you should be nicer, dude. Meeting online is totally acceptable these days. What’s he like, Laura?”

Laura rubs her sinuses. “He’s patient enough to wait downstairs while you two slam each other around up here.”

Derek rolls his eyes. “Sounds like a keeper.”

Stiles hits his shoulder. “Sorry Laura. We didn’t mean to delay you. Uh… have fun on your date?”

Laura sighs and shuts the door just in time to hear something (probably Stiles) hit the wall again. Or maybe it was the desk this time. “Stop with the dominance displays, Derek! Jesus!” It takes her until halfway down the stairs when she suddenly smells Kevin again that she remembers she left him standing in full hearing range. 

“Oh my god, I’m really sorry you had to hear that,” she says as she makes it to the landing. “My brother is just… rowdy.”

“Oh, sure,” Kevin agrees way too quickly. And Laura can see him looking around the room and then back at the door. Well, that’s probably not good. “Look, uh… I’m not…” Kevin looks like he’s trying to pick his words carefully. Tactfully, even, which is kind of him. Damn, this was a nice one. “I’m not really a part of your scene. No judgement, okay? Just not my thing.”

“My… scene?”

“Yeah, S&M is just a little… heavy for me. Uh, it was super great to meet you, though. And I’ll tell Kiki you were awesome.” And then Kevin is backing out the door and making a beeline for his car so fast that Laura doesn’t think it’s worth yelling after him that she actually thinks chains are a total mood killer.

**~~~**

_“Well… at least he respectfully declined.”_

_“Erica.” Laura grabs the discarded stump of muffin and peels the wrapper down. She deserves chocolate chip goodness after all of this. “So, then Jerome happened. We made it all the way to dinner, at least.”_

Jerome is pretty okay. Their match wasn’t super strong, and he’s got a car with way too many crude bumper stickers. There’s at least four of them of Calvin peeing on other vehicle logos. This on the back of a Toyota Cressida, which doesn’t really seem like bragging territory but… Laura gets it. She loves her car too. She would never junk her up with stickers and let her get quite as dirty as Jerome’s car, but…

Judging, Laura. Stop it. It’s a car. And maybe he just has a more juvenile sense of humor. That’s not a deal breaker. And even if it was, they haven’t even gotten their entrees yet. And he’s had some good stories from when he was in the basic training for the army. 

“Shit, sorry,” Laura says when she has to fumble for her phone in her purse right as Jerome is getting to the good part where one of the snooty recruits in his group is probably about to get a lousy deployment order as comeuppance for being snooty.

_(“You answered your phone on a date?”_

_“I told him I had siblings. I know dating protocols, stop looking at me like that.”)_

It’s a number she doesn’t recognize, so she sends it to voicemail. “Probably a telemarketer. Okay, so you guys were all getting your orders?”

“Yeah,” Jerome nods. “So, we’re all getting out deployment orders, right? And Johnson, he just knows he’s gonna get some sweet gig like Germany. Everyone wants to go to Germany.”

Laura’s phone buzzes to show she has a message before she’s even got it pack into her purse. She glances at it. Shit, what if someone got arrested or something?

“Uh.. I’m gonna need to check this. Sorry.”

“Sure,” Jerome sighs, pushing back from the table. “I’m gonna hit the men’s room.” 

“Thanks.” Laura immediately takes the voicemail.

“Good evening,” a pleasant, mechanical female voice says. “This is American Express. We need to verify your recent purchase for one hundred and twenty-one dollars and forty-four cents.”  


Laura rubs the bridge of her nose as she hangs up and dials from her Contacts list.  


“Yeah?” Cora says when she picks up.  


“Cora. I thought you were just taking Lydia to dinner,” she says, forcing her voice to stay calm and steady.  


“Yeah, I just dropped her off. Why?”  


“You spent over a hundred dollars in a restaurant?” Laura will not lose her temper in the middle of a dining room full of strangers. She will, however, close her eyes for a second in case they’re glowing red.  


“Yeah. It was a nice place.”  


“There are no restaurants that nice in Beacon Hills. What the hell did you two have?”  


“Well, I had a steak.”  


“Uh huh.”  


“A big steak.”  


“Cora.”  


“And Lydia had a salad with chicken.” Laura can hear the eye roll in Cora’s voice that says ‘as always.’  


“And dessert was… what? Gold?”  


“No. Lydia didn’t want dessert. She’s on a no-sugar kick again.”  


“Cora!” Laura forces an apologetic smile when Jerome chooses that moment to come back to the table. Great, he’s looking at her weird now.  


“I just ordered a few salads to go, geeze!”  


“What? Why?” Laura feels like she’s come in in the middle of the conversation somehow because Cora seems to think this is all pretty normal.  


“For Lydia.”  


“Why did you need more salads for Lydia if you already ate?”  


“Y’know. In case she got hungry later. Like, when no one is there to bring her food.”  


Laura watches a drop of condensation slide down her glass and down onto the table cloth as she tries to fit these puzzle pieces into any other order, but she’s pretty sure she’s got it. No, she knows she’s got it because the other, less human half of her is thinking that this is all reasonable. Oh god… “Are you… are you trying to provide for Lydia?”  


“What? No!” Cora scoffs, sounding as offended as possible.  


“Oh my god, you are!” Laura isn’t sure if this is horrifying or hilarious. It might be both. “You’re a step away from dragging a deer carcass to her door!”  


“Laura, no I’m not! Shut up, you don’t even know what you’re saying!”  


“I’m saying you’re courting a human with a food display!” Cora abruptly hangs up the phone and leaves Laura very alone and very aware of the conversation she just had in a crowded dining room.

**~~~**

_“So… that probably didn’t go much further.”_  


_Laura glares at Erica. “You think?” she mutters around a mouthful of her muffin. “It was a disaster.”_  


_“Was that the last one, at least?”_  


_“I gave it one more shot,” Laura says darkly. “It was a matter of honor to at least get laid after all of this.”_

Laura and Laird are not going to be a thing. For one, the alliteration in their names would make for an introduction where everyone laughs awkwardly at the end. After nine amazingly bad days on Tinder, Laura doesn’t even give a fuck if that’s a stupid reason. Also, though, she’s pretty sure they don’t really like each other much. Or dislike each other much. There were only so many people in Beacon Hills on Tinder, though, and a vague match was good enough for one quick round of Netflix and chill, never to be spoken about again.  


It takes two beers and a shared plate of onion rings at a sports bar for them to decide that they’re both fed up with swiping left or right (which one is even the good one?) and horny enough to settle on this for tonight. Laura excuses herself to the bathroom so she can call Derek and let him know she’ll be out tonight so he doesn’t show up at some ungodly hour thinking he has to murder someone.  


“Hi Laura,” Cora says cheerfully. Well, that sets the alarm bells off instantly.  


“Why are you answering Derek’s phone? And what’s wrong?” she asks, frowning.  


“Uh… nah, I think it’s all fine. Derek can’t come to the phone right now.” Something shatters in the background, and then something heavy falls against something else. “How’s your date?”  


“What the hell is going on there?”  


“Derek and Scott are having a mild disagreement.”  


Laura winces, hearing something wooden splinter. “It sounds like they’re trying to kill each other.”  


“Well… yeah, but they’ll knock it off.”  


Laura sighs. “What are they fighting about?”  


“Derek said Scott touches Stiles too much and said he’s scenting him. Scott wouldn’t knock it off, so then Derek started scenting Isaac. Now they’re both pissed.”  


“Great. I’m on my way. Tell them if either one of them are dead by the time I get home, I’m going to be pissed.”

**~~~**

“So, after I got home and separated them and figured out how much shit was broken, I deleted the app.” Laura shoves the last bite of the muffin into her mouth and chews moodily.  


“Jesus,” Erica breathes, and she actually looks impressed. “I can’t even say you’ve given up too easily. You have the worst dating luck ever.”  


“I’m running two relationships pretty successfully right now.”  


Erica barks out a laugh, like she wasn’t expecting it. “Yeah, but you’re not actually in either of them.”  


Laura sighs and brushes away the crumbs from the muffin demolition. “Yeah, well. What are big sisters for?”


End file.
